i love scott

It came to my attention the other day just how much I beleive Scott loves me and just how much I love him.

I had stayed at his place and he had gone to sleep about an hour before I did. I got into bed and was trying to drift off to sleep and suddenly it hit me how soon the exam was. At this point I had just 9 days until the test (by the way right now i only have 5... eek!). All of a sudden i was wide awake, the walls felt like they were rushing in on me and I sat up in bed, breathing really fast, almost to the point that I hyperventilated. Within seconds Scott was awake wanting to know what was wrong. I replied "nothing." (Haha, which by the way ladies, I've now been informed that if you're gasping for air and your man wnats to know what's wrong, "nothing" is apparently NOT a sufficient answer) He finally got it out of me that I was just stressing about the exam and for him to go back to bed. He held me as I tried to go to sleep. And as he drifted back to sleep, he mumbled "Don't worry baby, if you don't pass I'll just break in and change the scores." OF COURSE this was a joke, and of course I would never ask him to do that, but it got me thinking... I really can't think of anything at all that Scott wouldn't at least TRY to do for me, and that is a REALLY good feeling. I lay there thinking about it some more, and I finally concluded that, in turn, I couldn't think of anything that I wouldn't do for him... also a REALLY good feeling. I know that I should really count my blessings to have foudn someone that I love SO much, and that loves me SO much, that the other comes before all wants and desires of ourselves... that no task is unimaginable if it would make the other happy.

These last few months with Scott have been especially enjoyable, and I'm excited about the path our relationship is about to take.

As I lay in bed thinking about all of this, I really started feelings so much calmer about the bar exam. Now don't get me wrong, i still feel liek there's a GOOD chance that I won't pass... but it finally hit me that, "so what?!?!" If I fail I'll still have this great love that's beside me. And if I fail I'll still have wonderful family and friends. And if I fail, I'll still get to be a lawyer... it just might be on a slightly delayed timetable. So, for now I'll keep studying my brains out and know that the truly important things in my life are not going to be altered by this stupid test.